I normally try not to leak over into Mia’s space, but ugh, this just got me going.

Today I had a follow-up appointment with my gastro doctor, to go over the results of my endoscopy. First, follow-ups like this just piss me off to start, as they are nothing more than a “boat payment” for the doctor. Meaning, “we have the results”, we have had them for many weeks now, so they aren’t as important or urgent as if they were, we would have called you. But “please come in, see us so we can go over them with you” That translates to paying us more money so the doctor can pay for his boat. Now, I’m sure that isn’t how it works, but really, why does every doctor want you to follow up with them for test results?

So, I’m at the office in the waiting room, there is no one there, just me, and I’m just waiting at the window to be seen. There are people there, they are just doing other things and one of those things isn’t checking me in. After nearly 6 minutes, someone finally comes to the window to check me in. Now the fun starts.

I have been there twice already this year and it is only mid-February. They do the old, driver’s license and insurance card thing. They then ask me for my co-pay and hand me the forms, you know the forms, that you have to fill out every single time you go to the doctor’s office. Isn’t like we aren’t in 2022, and the world is digital, it isn’t like there is a law that doctors must be digital or anything. Sure, I’ll fill out my name, address, phone number, email address, and all the same things that you have me fill out every damn time. But wait, stop the presses, this time they hand me the papers and tell me to review and sign. Ok, that is a change and a nice change. So I review and sign and take them back to the window. In a few seconds they take me to the back of the office and of course, stand on the scale, because your weight is ever so important for every single doctor to know. That way they can lord it over you and tell you to lose weight. So even though I have lost 30 pounds in the past 45 days, the doctor had the nerve to tell me to lose weight, but we will get to that in a few.

I’m in the room and the uber-rude nurse starts her part of the process. She takes my BP and comments about it, even though it is 128/78 which is good, but whatever. Then she takes the forms and comments that I didn’t fill out. I told her that the lady told me to review and sign. I said I “reviewed and signed”, just like I was asked. She said I didn’t fill out the symptoms form, which I reminded her I was told to “review and sign” no one said to fill out the section on page 5. When I handed it back to the lady at the window, she never once told me that I missed or didn’t fill out something. Furthermore, I’m here for test result follow-up, not for any symptoms. But please “School me”, which she proceeds to do. She now feels the need to verbally cover the whole form with me. “You said you are taking a bunch of pain meds, but you didn’t change any on the form”, I told her, well I was just here a few weeks ago, and nothing has changed, so…….

Here we are going down the list and sure enough, everything on the form was 100% accurate, but please don’t apologize for being an uber bitch, you can just talk down to patients because you took a two-year course to work there. Now she is directing questions to my wife instead of me, you know the “patient”. Why, because I’m “obviously upset”. Well, no shit, you just treated me like I don’t exist and that I have no clue what I’m doing. But, when you found out you were wrong, you didn’t bother to apologize to me.

She leaves, but not after for some reason, asking me if I want a cup of water. I have no clue where that came from, but whatever. The doctor comes into the room in about 10 minutes and of course, he like so many doctors today is just missing bedside manner. He starts to tell me the result, “you have these ducts that lead into the…., oh wait, let me go get a picture to show you”. And then he leaves, leaving me and my wife looking at each other, like, is there something seriously wrong that you need to illustrate this to us? What the hell? He comes back in after 3-4 minutes and shows us this duct and then tells me that mine is basically normal. OK, nice lead-in, doc.

Basically, nothing gastro is wrong, well, duh, we now know it is Costochondritis, and not gastro. Then he wants to do an exam of me and press on the parts that hurt the most, making me tear up, but sure, why not, you can press on it to confirm that it isn’t gastro, after the tests and your diagnosis both confirmed that. So, now I’m in tears and he is, “like, does this hurt?”. Then as though this really has much to do with any of this, he wants me to lose weight, even though I have gone from 265 to 235 in the past 45 days, which you would obviously have records of since I have seen you three times in those 45 days, but sure, please don’t compliment me on it, just tell me I need to lose weight.

Alright, we are done with the exam and he leaves, and now we have to wait the obligatory 10 minutes for the nurse to come in and “escort” down the hall to the desk to check out.

I really hate how this practice is so outdated and doesn’t seem to actually care about their patients, I guess business is that good that you don’t need repeat business or referrals.