Losing Friends
Recently I had a friend of mine told me that basically, I’m a giant bag of dark depression, spreading nothing but depressing news wherever I go. I guess I’m like an emo Eeyore or something. So with that being said, one of my New Year’s Resolutions for 2022 is to stop that and to be more supportive and available to my friends. I was told that I was not a good friend because I complained all the time about all my ailments and what was wrong in my life that I never let them focus on their issues in life. Basically, I need to shut up and listen to their problems like a good friend, as no one wants to hear me talk.
I have been called a lot of things in my life, I have been told I look like Louis C.K. I have been called a straight-up asshole and a jerk, but never Eeyore. I honestly don’t know how to take that. I mean it wasn’t those words exactly, but basically, the gist of the email was that I’m a mental drag and a downer. When I talk about my life when asked, it is okay to say, I’m fine and leave it at that. The funny thing is, that I’m not fine, none of us are “fine”.
Lately, I have really lost a ton of people who I called friends, whom I thought were my friends and I think the problem is that I had always and I mean always been guarded about everything. I was super guarded about who I talked to and who I shared anything with. It made me less than an Average Joe, but they all seemed to be happier since they bailed on me. At my last job, almost 20 years ago, I really got burned and I left on a very bad note. After that, I didn’t make any friends for 10-plus years and in the past five years I have started to accept people into my inner circle and well, they end up hurting me somehow.
With all that being said, I think it is time to “circle the wagons” which was used to unite everyone in a common defense but is often used today, to mean regrouping, closing up the ranks, and establishing a defense. I think it is time for me to, as I said, circle the wagons, raise the moat, and stop sharing so much with so many. It is probably time to cut down my “friends” lists, establish a new inner circle, and no longer share with these new friends. Cut my personal Facebook list of 200 friends, to more like 15-20. This will mean that they will have less to use against me and less to hurt me with. It is good for my mental health.
The really bad part about this is that I don’t make friends very easily, so it is kind of a huge loss for me. But I will survive and I will be much more careful when I talk to people. As for making friends, Nah, I think I will pass. So if you are one of my friends who knows the real me and you are curious as to why you haven’t heard from me in a while, well, I guess you didn’t make the cut. And the cut was made to protect you from me and my barrage of depressing news. “So sorry to disappoint ya, I guess I’m too dull to be around, Oh Bother Ho Hum“.
