Reading time 9

My Name Is Sam and I Made My Service My Entire Personality

Not since Mr. Cool Ice (Tommy Steinberger) has someone tried so hard to look like a total douchebag. In fact, Mr. Cool Ice, had it wrapped up for nearly 20 years, with his first image appearing (in August 2005). Of course, we now know that Tommy isn’t a douche, but simply loves his ink and is a nice guy according to those that know him. If you want to learn more about Tommy, here is a good article about Mr. Cool Ice.

Meet Sam

My research shows that these two photos first appeared online around early December 2023, supposedly taken at an Applebee’s.

This guy, based solely on his look and what he is wearing one can deduce that he really has made his military career his personality. Let me explain.

We will start with his overall appearance, and he really seems to look like a real-life Duke Nukem, but with more of a douchebag feel. Online, the best comment I found about his hair, is that is a High n Tight, that looks more like a botched circumcision. I mean he must have walked into the barber shop in Korea and said “Give me the HIGHEST and TIGHTEST you’ve ever given in your life!” and then he said, “While you are at it, shave off my eyebrows too.“

Wearing your military ribbons on your personal attire, is really, just way overkill as no civilian, really gives a shit what you did. So this “Dads of Anarchy” ribbon rack goes like this from top to bottom:

Row 11 = Meritorious Service Medal, Air Medal Ribbon (with what appears to be a Strike/Flight device)

Row 10 = Joint Service Commendation Medal, Navy Marine Corps Commendation Medal (1 device), Navy Marine Corps Achievement Medal (3 devices)

Row 9 = Navy Marine Corps Combat Action Ribbon, Navy and Marine Corps Presidential Unit Citation, Navy Unit Commendation

Row 8 = Navy Meritorious Unit Commendation, Air Force Gallant Unit Citation Ribbon, Navy “E” Ribbon (3rd award)

Row 7 = Navy Good Conduct Medal (with one silver star and one bronze star), Navy Expeditionary Medal, National Defense Service Medal (with 2 bronze service stars)

Row 6 = Armed Forces Expeditionary Medal, Vietnam Service Medal, Southwest Asia Service Medal (with 2 devices)

Row 5 = Kosovo Campaign Ribbon, Global War on Terrorism Service Medal, Armed Forces Service Medal (with 1 bronze service star, and 1 silver)

Row 4 = Humanitarian Service Medal, Outstanding Volunteer Service Medal, Navy Sea Service Ribbon (with 1 device)

Row 3 = Navy Marine Corps Overseas Service Ribbon (with 4 bronze service stars), Armed Forces Reserve Medal (with M device for Mobilized, and Gold hourglass denoting 30 years and a 7 for awards for the Mobilization Device), Vietnam Gallantry Cross Ribbon with Palm

Row 2 = NATO Medal (Kosovo), Republic of Vietnam Campaign Medal, Saudi Arabian Liberation Medal (Kuwait)

Row 1 = Kuwait Liberation Medal (Kuwait), Navy Rifle Marksmanship Ribbon (E for Expert), Navy Pistol Marksmanship Ribbon (E for Expert)

Top Wings = Naval Aircrew Wings and Coast Guard Aircrew Wings
Bottom Wings = Enlisted Aviation Warfare Specialist

Now, his fruit salad rack can be accurate, however, there are so many questions, like:

Based on all that, he was in the Naval Reserve for 30 years and enlisted. In the second photo, he is wearing the rank pin for Senior Chief. He is also wearing an EA-18G patch, which means that he was in VAQ-209, the Navy’s only reserve Prowler/Growler unit. According to his wings, he was an Aviation Warfare Specialist and part of the Aircrew.
He has two stars on his National Defense Service Medal, which means he served in three service periods, which would most likely be the Vietnam War (1961-1974), the Gulf War (1990-1995), and the Global War on Terrorism (2001-2022).
He has one Combat Action Ribbon and two Strike/Flight Air Medals, which clouds up the water, trying to figure out if this guy is for real or stolen valor.
We have that he is a Naval Reserve Senior Chief. He spent all of his time in the reserves, which is 28-30 years based on his Good Conduct Medal and the hourglass on his Armed Forces Reserve Medal. At least some of his time was with VAQ-209, which is an EA-6B/EA-18G squadron.
He has 7 Good Conduct Medals and two Navy Achievement Medals
Silver star in the middle of good conduct. 7 GCs and 4 NAMs
One silver (6) and one bronze means 7 Good Conducts earned
Some quick math here, we say that he started his Navy career at 18 and did 30 years and the images appeared a few months ago, that this guy is at least 50 years old. The Republic of Vietnam Campaign Medal was last issued in March of 1973. The Saudi Arabian Liberation Medal was issued only in 1991. The National Defense Service Medal was issued only four times, Korean War (June 27, 1950- July 27, 1954); Vietnam War (January 1, 1961 – August 14, 1974); Persian Gulf War (August 2, 1990 – November 30, 1995); and the Global War on Terrorism September 11, 2001 – December 31, 2022. Unlikely he served in Korea, so that makes his window of 1961-2022,
Based on being in the reserves for 30 years, and being an Enlisted Aviation Warfare Specialist, this means he was in VAQ-209 which flew EA-6B’s, and then the EA-18G

Just The Comments

Of course, some of you only came here for the comments, and I wanted to share some of the comments from other posts that I found online with these two photos.

This guy jacks off to photos of himself…this very one especially. He sees the star atop that anchor…it just puts him over the top.

Being proud of your service is awesome. Wearing it on your vest like that. Very cringe.

Fuck, Save some Navy for the rest of us.
This is the most BOOTEST BOOT thing I’ve ever seen…

“You know what Stan? If you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair like your pretty boy Brian over there, why don’t you make the minimum 37 pieces of flair!?!?” (from Office Space)

Meet Sam

Now, let me introduce you to Sam (last name redacted) from Missouri. Sam is a retired Navy Command Senior Chief (Air Crew / Air Warfare) who loves spending time with his dog and riding his motorcycle. Based on everything I was able to find about Sam, he is a nice guy and the Applebee’s photo is not who he really is. In fact, that is the only photo I have located of Sam where he is not smiling.

Here is a photo of Sam in uniform, now we can all leave Sam alone.