Self-worth is a huge thing when dealing with your health. It directly relates to your mental health. However, being in pain and feeling fatigued all the time, really doesn’t help with depression and with those damn feelings of self-worth.

Me, I often feel like I’m totally worthless, I’m not useful and I’m not wanted. They all tie directly into the depression, which is directly caused by the pain, and then the fatigue makes sure it helps out when it can. On days when the pain is under control, these feelings are gone or all but gone.

I find myself laying on the couch, exhausted, and thinking to myself that I need to get my fat ass off the couch and be productive. I have many chores that need to be done, then there are the things that I want to get done for myself and I don’t even have enough energy to stand up and walk to the kitchen. I often lay there and try to find the energy and contemplate what can wait until tomorrow, because I know that tomorrow I will have an abundance of energy. Then tomorrow rolls around and it is a repeat of me being uber-fatigued.

I haven’t discovered a solution that works best for me. I have tried to change my diet, and I have increased and decreased my caffeine intake. And of course, I have tried just about everything all my friends, co-workers, and family suggest because they know what works best for me. Those suggestions usually cover the most obvious things, like, “I just go to bed earlier”, or “I think you need to drink more water” or “Have you tried diet and exercise” and my favorite “I’m always exhausted too, but I just power through it”. Well for the record, I have tried to go to bed earlier, and that just ends up with me being awake earlier. I tend to average five hours of solid sleep a night and then it is time for me to toss and turn usually from pain. I have tried to drink more, but I’m over 3 liters a day right now and much beyond that I’m going to have to live in the bathroom. I have tried diet and exercise and the problem there is that when you are so fatigued you can’t exercise and if I do exercise in the morning, then the fatigue sets in well before lunchtime. And then there is the old “I just power through it”, yep, I do that every day of my life now. I power through everything and thus the fatigue and exhaustion at the end of the day. That whole comment just pisses me off to no end. I’m a U.S. Marine who was on active duty for 10 years. I think I know how to power through pain and exhaustion, so you can just kiss my ass.