Michael J. Fox
I just finished watching “Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie” and the scene where he told his wife, Tracy about his 1991 diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease really made me stop and think, of how someone remains married to someone that has a debilitating disease like Parkinson’s. I often wonder why my wife and kids still remain in my life with all of my medical illnesses. Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Costochondritis, and Sjögren’s syndrome, and there are still a few that have yet to be diagnosed and yet they are still here with me.
My medical conditions can really wreak havoc on my loved ones, having to deal with my mood swings, my massive fatigue, my terrible attitude towards most things in life, the flare-ups with no warning, and the never-ending pain that fluctuates from 1-10 in a microsecond. Then comes my massive guilt for destroying their lives, my guilt of taking pain meds to help combat the intense pain, the guilt of watching them do things and I’m just sitting there not having the energy to move from the couch and help them. The never-ending guilt of disappointment and letdown.
Or my insane ability to forget the simplest of things, like names, dates, places, or things. Forgetting where I’m supposed to be, or supposed to do, or who I’m doing things with. Maybe it is my ability to no longer be able to move large or heavy things like I once was able to do. And I haven’t even touched on them having to deal with Eeyore levels of depression, ho hum.
Like MJF said in the documentary, “I should have seen it coming the cosmic price I had to pay for all of my success“, I often feel like it is the universe’s way of punishing me for something that I had done, I just don’t know what I have done that was so terrible to deserve this. But this isn’t about me, it is about them, and I can’t lose sight of that.
I got married for life, through sickness and health, for better or worse. But I still can’t imagine someone wanting to stay with me for a mere second well enough for life. I used to be a go-getter, the guy that was always on the move, the guy that could do anything he set his mind to. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be this guy, the guy who is in his early 50s who sometimes needs a cane to walk, a guy that has lost so many people that I called friends because I have disappointment all the time, the guy that well, the guy that is that guy!
By the way, if you are a Michael J. Fox fan, the “Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie” is a great and sobering movie and a must-see.
