I wrote this last night, while sitting on the couch, wiped out from a long weekend of doing NOTHING!!!

I’m so clouded, no clouded isn’t right, I’m so stoned. Not high, not even close, I’m lost, I’m dazed and I’m confused. It is not a feeling I like, not even close. I have been off the Cymbalta for over a week now and I can’t freaking think straight, hell I can’t even think crooked right now. Lately, I have been putting the wrong words in the wrong spots. I have been lashing out at people in the most dangerous of ways causing friendships to splinter. I have snapped at people when it is not warranted. I have been put in Facebook jail for saying things that I would not normally have said. – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I’m not eating, I’m not hungry, food just doesn’t appeal to me right now. We went to a family dinner last night to celebrate my birthday. I don’t think I ate much at all. I have no appetite, I have no desire to eat, and food doesn’t even sound good. I’m eating just a few hundred calories a day as of late. I know I need to eat, just no desire at all. The upside is that I’m shedding major weight. – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I was the guest of honor at the dinner last night, the center of attention, and I can’t tell you anything that was said around the table, I was just physically present. I didn’t even eat the birthday dessert that they brought me after singing the little happy birthday ditty that each restaurant does. I can’t remember any of it. – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I’m tired, I can’t keep my eyes open, but I can’t sleep either. When I finally fall asleep, the strangest most bizarre dreams run rampant through my head. Some are nightmares, some are just silly and others are confusing. I have dreamed about peeling a freaking banana, yes a banana has filled hours of my time that should have been for sleep. I have dreamed about sleeping, and I have even dreamed about sitting at my desk at work, doing my job, OK, so that one was a nightmare. How bizarre is all that? – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I have bouts of uncontrollable crying, for no reason at all, things that would normally make me slightly sad or slightly happy, I freaking cry. Not just getting upset, I mean tears and everything. And I’m not the crying type either.  – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I spend the majority of my day at my keyboard, but now when I sit down to type, I dread it very much so lately. I’m putting in strange words, and stranger character combinations for simple words and my spelling is far worse than normal. What should take me minutes to type is taking me a very long time, mostly hitting the backspace key and starting all over.  – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I’m having such intense dizzy spells lately, well maybe dizzy isn’t the way to describe them, they are more like motion sickness, while I’m sitting perfectly still. I get lightheaded and nauseous, the room spins a little and I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. I’m so jacked up, I have grounded myself from driving until I can be safe behind the wheel again. – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I have no energy, I’m whipped out and I haven’t even done anything. Yes I know some of it is from not eating, so I have been making myself drink protein shakes and Ensure drinks during the day, along with plenty of water. But still, no energy, not even desire to do anything. – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I’m so distracted, I can’t stay on topic, this has taken me hours to formulate and draft when it would normally take me minutes. I get distracted so easily, Oh look a puppy, now where was I? – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I have been so distant lately, not the real me, I miss the real me, I want the real me back. I miss work, I have been off and on work for the past two weeks now. They have replaced me with a monkey, but I still miss work. – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I’m always cold, I mean freezing cold, I have my portable heater on all day long now, That isn’t me, where did I go? – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I get these periods where I feel so paranoid like people are out to get me, I get agitated so easily now and I have no filter, I just say shit that I would not normally say, things that I would not normally even think about, I’m so dark lately and I can’t stand it. – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I have been getting these periods of agitation, where the smallest of things get me so upset almost to rage at times, things that I would normally just blow off or not even pay much attention to. – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

I have been in such pain lately, the medication for pain seems to either work or not work, no happy medium. I get so numb, both to the touch and to the world in general. I have been counter-dictating myself as of late as well. I say left when I mean right. But probably the worst counter-diction is when I just put the wrong word in the wrong spot, with the result of pissing people off. I’m even calling people by the wrong name. My true friends and my close co-workers understand, but it is still embarrassing.  – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

All this is piling up and I feel dejected at times, the mental anguish and turmoil are tearing me up inside and I get mild depression at times. But don’t you worry, I can, no I will beat this. I’m so much stronger than you Cymbalta. I just want me back. – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

To those that I have blown up at, I’m sorry. To those that have had to put up with me recently, I’m sorry and I thank you for being so understanding, patient, and strong. You are my rock at times like this when I need your help. This is not the real me, I miss the real me so much and you know this is not the real me.  – Why Cymbalta, why!!!

F*ck You Cymbalta!!!