I’m most definitely my worst critic and my own worst enemy. I’m very hard on myself all the time. That probably comes from growing up in an abusive household and being told that you will never amount to anything. But I’m also a perfectionist and a U.S. Marine, so I have a chip on my shoulder as well. So there are many times in my life that I beat myself up for not being able to do something well or to beat my last score, or that I didn’t get it right on the first try.

With all that being said, there are many times in my life when something goes wrong I feel that I’m being punished. Now I don’t get upset about “being punished”, instead I just try again because I deserved to be punished for screwing it up.

When dealing with my pain, there are times when the pain is great, almost too much for me to handle that I think to myself, I deserve this pain, it is my punishment for something. I’m being punished for something I did or didn’t do recently. I’m sure that there is a medical term for it and I’m sure there are many shrinks that think there is something mentally wrong with me for thinking this way.

But for me, I have always been this way, always hard on myself, always apologizing to my family and friends when I just don’t or can’t live up to some imaginary bar that I have set for myself.

It can be very difficult at times to live this way, but for me, It is just me, it is who I am.